Round Here
by VixonVulpe
Summary: Everything Riku knows is falling apart as he watches his best friend's sister fade away. [RiKai/SoRiku, RokuShi. AU. Not a songfic, but based on a song that shares its name.]


**Pairings: **RiKai (is that the ship name?), SoRiku, RokuShi**  
Word Count: **2765**  
Genre: **Angst, Romance(?)**  
Rating: **T**  
**

**Warnings:** Terminal illness, depression, suicidal thoughts

**A/N:** I can't promise anything. I left the fandom a long time ago and I'm nervous about coming back into it. I might not come back at all. But this story has been literal years in the making, and if anything, it deserves to be shared.  
I realize I happen to be posting this on 'akuroku day', though there is no mention of that ship here. Pure coincidence, honestly. As I said, I've been out of the fandom for a long time.

* * *

_Round here, we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs. Round here, she's slipping through my hands._

_-Round Here-Counting Crows_

* * *

The early mist felt cold as ice and chilled Riku to the core, not that it would make much of a difference. He was already frozen. His white coat did little to warm away the fear and pain he felt. It did little to help anything, other than the fog in its attempt to hide his presence.

A friend was soon beside him, the boy's black coat barely standing out through the dense fog. They were both silent, heavy weight on their minds. They knew what passed between them was wrong. It seemed the difference between right and wrong had blurred for them, becoming a subtle suggestion of guilt rather than a wall they ought not climb. At least they agreed on their morals.

They'd both gotten the call, the redhead's distraught sobs watering down any information she tried to disclose. In the end, they managed one unbroken sentence from her before a choked apology and a plea for their immediate presence.

"_She's worse."_

Her words still echoed in his head.

It was easy enough to get lost in the fog without their distractions. He swore they'd retraced their steps twice.

The pair did not break their solemn silence, continued their quick pace, and eventually they found a friend, a year younger than the brunet, standing worriedly by the front door. He knocked and glanced at them.

"That's three times now," he said. His voice was hoarse as he tried to contain his fears and emotions. He was one step away from a breakdown.

"She'll come, Roxas," the brunet said, his concern directed at more than his younger brother. A moment later, the door opened and red rimmed purple-blue eyes looked out through the crack. "Kairi."

They could hear her sob softly, more tears pooling in her eyes. She shook her head and backed away, letting them in the house.

Roxas looked at the girl, hesitant.

"Where…where is she?" he whispered. The older shook with sobs she tried to contain and shook her head again, pointing to the stairs.

Roxas nodded and all but ran up to the bedroom. Kairi now turned to her remaining guests, locked eyes with the first. Riku opened his arms and pulled her to him, allowing her to sob as much as she needed into his white coat. Sora stroked her back, eyes full of pain and pity.

After a while, her sobs subsided, and she was able to speak. She swallowed, looked up the stairs, then turned to her best friends.

"Sora, Riku." She murmured their names as though she were seeing them for the first time. They waited, patient. When the news came, it came in a rush, shattering their ice cold hearts and throwing the redhead into sobs once more.

"_She's dieing,"_

* * *

Riku remembered when he, Sora, and Roxas first met Kairi and Xion.

They'd been playing pirates on the beach. Riku was the lookout while Sora steered their "pirate ship," which was just a collection of boulders, and Roxas counted their "treasure," which was a collection of sand dusted paopu and wet seashells.

They'd seen the boat dock from where they were playing. Two young girls were helped off, led down by the captain. It was a small boat. Kairi held her suitcase in one hand and Xion's hand in the other. They'd looked tired, but hopeful.

A few days later the trio of boys had been playing in their usual spot when the lookout for the day, Sora, spotted two "mysterious girls, argh." With Kairi in front, the sisters were walking along the beach, their sandaled feet following the tide line. Roxas had charged over to them, wooden sword in hand, and tried to scare them away from the "booty." Sora had looked to Riku for a plan of action.

That day they became best friends.

* * *

Riku remembered when Xion was diagnosed.

He'd found out when Kairi had her breakdown. With their parents gone, the sisters were all each other had left of their original family. Xion had been getting sick much more often lately. The mayor, who'd adopted the sisters, took her up to the hospital that afternoon. The shocking news hit Kairi harder than anyone else.

He'd heard a car in the driveway and went to see who would come over at three in the morning. There she'd stood, in front of the car, learners permit in hand and a deranged look in her eyes.

"Kairi?" was all he could manage.

She'd cried. She'd screamed. She'd nearly woken the neighbors.

He brought her inside and gave her a blanket. It was late fall and she was wearing shorts and a too small tank top. Her flip flops lay forgotten by his front door.

She'd told him the news, confessed all her fears. She'd thanked him over and over for being her friend, for being there for her. It was as if she were drunk, but he knew she'd never touched alcohol.

She'd told him she loved him.

And not like a brother.

* * *

He was cheating on her.

He didn't mean to; didn't want to. He wanted to break up with her, go back to being friends. Best friends. But she needed him now, needed him with every ounce of her being, and she needed more than a friend. He was in too deep. He couldn't put the weight of a break up on her right now.

He couldn't avoid falling for Sora, either. The brunet was clumsy, optimistic, funny, naive, and adorable. He had a good heart and meant well. He wasn't a genius, but he was smart enough to get by. He was magnetic, couldn't be hated, though some people tried. Riku couldn't help himself. But he was doing okay, silently suffering the friend zone and being there for Kairi one hundred percent.

Until Sora told him. The brunet started by saying he was terrified he'd be misunderstood. Riku knew then that this conversation would be much deeper than he'd thought. Sora wasn't acting normal, was too nervous to speak for a good minute and a half. And then he confessed.

He apologized again and again, said he knew it was wrong, Kairi was his best friend. But just as Riku couldn't get over Sora, Sora couldn't get over Riku. It'd been a game of who snaps first, and neither had known.

So it began.

They stood in the forest now, away from everyone, away from life. Riku scratched their names onto a tree with his pocket-knife. They were quiet after the previous day's news. Riku knew they were thinking the same things as they leaned against the tree's trunk, looking up at the white sky.

Sora broke first.

"What if she finds out?" His voice was only loud enough to cut the silence. Riku wondered if the words were merely a thought that was louder than the others. A glance to the side told him otherwise. Sora waited, eyes wide and focused, fearful, for an answer.

"She can't."

The weight those two words held was enormous.

"Sometimes I think she'll look and just see it," Sora confessed. Riku understood the paranoia. They were playing with more than just hearts here.

Riku waited a long time to answer. He was careful not to fracture the walls he'd put up to shield Sora from seeing his true fears. If nothing else, Riku would be strong for his closest friends.

"We all look the same." Sora looked him over for a long moment, trying to work out what he meant. Riku added "Gays and straights."

Sora nodded. Riku's hand fell down to take his. The action conveyed more meaning than his words. They had to be brave. For her.

* * *

Roxas tried. He was so brave for Kairi. He knew she was as fragile as he was. They spoke around one another without a hint of their pain. Neither could take it if the other showed their grief.

He couldn't do it.

Seeing Xion broke him. The moment he shut her door everyday, he was a mess. There was nothing that could be done. She didn't even have to stay in the hospital. They couldn't help her. All they could do was pray.

And pray he did.

He asked why. That was all he ever asked. Xion was as innocent as a lamb. It felt like she was being used as a sacrifice, and all Roxas could ask was why. Who's sins was she paying for?

She was only getting worse, leaving him steadily everyday. She was slipping through his fingers.

She was still perfectly fine.

Xion was still Xion. She was upbeat and happy to see him, no matter how much of a mess he was when that door clicked shut. Her smile felt wrong. It didn't belong on a dieing face. It only made it more painful to watch her slip away.

She comforted him.

He should have been comforting her. He should have told her all sorts of soothing lies. But all he could do was fall apart. And all she did was smile, reassuring him.

"It's okay, Roxas. I'm not going to leave you." He felt her denial like an icicle stabbed through his heart. "It's only in my head. I just have to will myself to get better."

Every time she said it, her voice was weaker. It was always more confident as well. He couldn't bring himself to argue with her.

* * *

Namine was just as innocent.

She didn't deserve his reaction. She hadn't known, couldn't have known.

"Roxas?"

It had been her soft voice that had stopped him. It wasn't like the other voices. It wasn't about to ask what was wrong with him. It was blissfully unaware of the mess he was in. Everyone knew something was wrong. Everyone saw the husk he'd become. He almost wondered if that voice were even real. She was standing beside him, though, so he could only assume she wasn't a figment of his insomnia-induced hallucinations.

"Can I tell you something?"

It was blunt. Far blunter than anyone had dared to be towards him. It caught him off guard, and he let it happen. Part of him welcomed the distraction. Part of him wanted to panic. He was always two steps from a breakdown.

"Sure, what is it?"

In truth, he hadn't known her very well. She was quiet, like Xion. He wouldn't have even noticed the latter girl if it weren't for Sora's befriending of Kairi. Namine had slipped entirely under his radar. Until that day.

"I like you. I'd like to ask you to go out with me sometime."

It was blunt. Far blunter than anyone had dared to be towards him. They had good reason to be gentle.

"Can't you see I'm falling apart?!"

He'd lost himself. His rational mind had finally surrendered to exhaustion. He'd snapped.

It may have been all he said to her. He couldn't remember. He knew it was the last thing he said. He crumpled in the hall as she backed off, his eyes brimming with salt water. The pain was indescribable.

* * *

Kairi spoke too calmly.

Riku had taken her to the city. She needed to get away for a while. The thinly veiled attempt at clearing her mind was called a date. They both knew better. They both pretended they didn't.

"You're the only thing keeping me here." Her voice was too calm. Her tone was too even. She might as well have been discussing the architecture around them.

"Don't you like the city?" That wasn't what she meant. He knew that. He was scared of where she was going. She was too calm.

"I thought about it." She wasn't looking at him. Her violet eyes hovered at the top of the nearby buildings. "Jumping."

His stomach dropped. His throat was too tight to swallow.

"But I have you." She looked away from the high ledge and back to him. He steeled his expression. Nodded. Acted like they were discussing the architecture.

"You do."

"As long as you're here for me, I've got a reason to carry on." She didn't smile. She couldn't anymore. But her eyes were less hollow.

He nodded. They kept going. They carried on.

* * *

He couldn't stop thinking. She was always on his mind. And not like she should be.

He was terrified he'd be the death of her. If she found out the truth, it could truly kill her.

It wasn't fair of her to put that on him. He knew that, and he knew she knew it as well. But the fact remained that she was lost. Lost and exhausted and drowning in something she couldn't bring herself to swim through any longer.

He tried to rationalize. Xion had two or three years left. That's what they said. He knew he could work this out by then. He could help Kairi get over her suicidal notions.

They had plenty of time.

And he had plenty of room to think in. His massive house was empty most of the time. Too many rooms to sit in and think. Too much time to think. No one to tell him to stop.

He hardly even slept. The thin line between right and wrong was so blurred he couldn't see straight. He felt blind, alone in the cold and the dark and waiting for a light that just wouldn't come.

* * *

Xion went back to the hospital.

_Critical_, they said.

Riku held Kairi in his arms, thankful for all the world that they were on the first floor. Surrounded by doctors. As safe as they could get.

She fell apart. He shielded her from the world and let her shatter into pieces.

He refused to leave her side that night.

She curled into him, crying until she couldn't cry anymore. So dehydrated she'd thrown up. He cried as well, grief and helplessness getting the best of him and then some. Then they curled up in her comforter and held each other. Trembling, aching, empty.

"Riku?"

He'd never heard a voice crack like that.

"Yeah?" It hurt to speak.

"Will you catch me?" She didn't look at him. He wouldn't ask what she meant. Regardless of the intentions, there could only be one answer.

"Yes."

* * *

He paced around their tree. He was crying again. He hardly noticed, his hands weaving their way into his hair. He hadn't brushed it since god knew when. He circled and circled the tree, half choking on his own breath. Sora was pressed against the bark, watching.

Helpless. They were all so helpless.

"I _can't,_" he squeaked. He stopped pacing. He couldn't meet Sora's eyes. The brunet was crying too, he could hear it.

"I _can't_."

"Riku..."

He was shaking. He inched closer to his best friend. His boyfriend.

"I'm falling apart."

It was more of a wheeze than a whisper.

"How can I catch her when I'm falling? Who's going to catch _me_?"

A hand on his back. He sobbed into the neck he found before him.

"I will," Sora said. "I'll catch you both."

* * *

Riku sat on the couch. The lights were off. The hum of the fridge filled the silence. His phone glowed through the darkness from it's place on the coffee table.

He couldn't breathe. Everything was weighing on him and he felt so helpless. He wasn't even falling anymore. He'd fallen, crashed, broken.

His vision was so blurred, the line was so blurred, he couldn't see a thing.

He knew, they all knew, any day now there would be a call. _The_ call.

It weighed on him. More than one life hung in the balance, and he was terrified that _The Call _would be followed by another. By a _Final Call._

A final call from a very tall building.

And he still couldn't see the answer they needed.

* * *

His phone rang.


End file.
